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Another day, another dollar, and this thing dropped and (i’ll just spoil it here) it looked so bad i was compelled to write something about it.
The short of it is; this thing looks fucking awful.
Like holy shit, and this isn’t a Seymour Skinner the kids are wrong moment here, the reactions i’ve seen from others aren’t positive ones either.
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WHAT’S WRONG
Let’s start with the thumbnail, that make up is awful looking. It doesn’t help that Skarsgård played the clown in IT, and it seems like either he or the production designers thought his makeup there was so good it needed to be repeated.
God, the face tats, the mumbling at the beginning where i felt i needed to put subtitles on to understand a single god damn thing coming out of their mouths.
Jesus Christ, the song, what the hell is that song? Post Malone? It’s shit, he had one ok song that blasted in a haze of weed and shitty overpriced jager bombs at an equally shitty bar, but otherwise i’ll pass.
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THE HEART OF IT
I’m not going to spend more time tearing into it, i need to protect my sanity.
In its defence it definitely looks different than the original adaptation and it really should look to do something different with the source material; otherwise what is the point? However, the original movie, and the graphic novel definitely veered into the “nobody gets me” phase of adolescent cringe; the art style, Eric Draven himself, the melodrama, the violence are all there with zero subtly but (the novel) it managed to overcome that with a remarkable honesty.
There’s a lot of genuine pain in The Crow‘s original source material, and a lot of self reflection and healing in spite of its darkness. I consider it to be one of the few graphic novels that i read, that i find is a genuine work of art.
As for the movie, i’ve been meaning to write a review of it for years, but every devils night i just never get around to it, what works about it (and perhaps it’s dated because of it) is that it came out at the zenith of the alt rock and overall alternative fashion lifestyle craze of the 90’s. Jesus, Kurt Cobain killed himself about a month before it came out. Aiding to its place as a part of the cultural zeitgeist of the time, is the tragic death of Brandon Lee.
And while i think his performance has been mythologized a bit too much in the intervening years, it remains the break out role for the young man, that was never, ever followed up on. He definitely had a career lined up for him, and in my estimation likely would have gone on to have a career not too dissimilar from Keanu Reeves (and he had more range than Keanu generally displayed).
All these reasons are why a “faithful” remake of the original 1994 film would be ill advised, however:
“I think the movie is just going to blow people away. Our partners want to approach it in a very 360 way, whether it be video games, an animated series or a universe, but it’s got this cosmic legacy that can expand beyond a singular story.”
Sam Pressman
This isn’t what i want to hear from a producer these days, i don’t want this “brand” to be milked dry and join the ranks of ubiquitous, mediocre, content that clutters streaming services and our lives. It isn’t enough to tell a violent story about a right being wronged, it has to be a franchise (not that the original didn’t have terrible sequels no one watched).
And i’m sick of it.
This movie looks less like a story about the universe righting a wrong, and how the creator of said story used it as a vehicle to deal with the ugly emotions that boil up in death and loss; and more like two crack heads mumbling into being murdered, and the dude somehow lucked into being turned into a Punisher rip off.
Ten Years Too Late 